Tonight I am getting over you
I will step into the shower and wash you out of my hair
But this time I will be thorough, I will clean behind the ears where our conversations still linger
Undelivered promises, wishful thinking at its best
By the sink I shall rinse the mouth that I wanted you to share, gargle and spit out the words that have only been heard by you
This time when I dress it will be for me,
I will no longer dress with your attention in mind
For no combination of garments ever made you see me
The mascara I put on will be for me,
And the blemishes that I paint over will be for me
For no amount of makeup ever convinced you that I was beautiful
Finally when I am done, I will inspect myself in the mirror as always
The outfit chosen for me now I have accepted that you are not for me
With this blog, I aim to make a concerted effort for it to be an honest representation of how I feel at any given time. I want to stress the word honest, because for me, the moment it ceases to be honest, is the moment it loses its purpose.
I started off this semester very well intentioned, but life got in the way as I like to say. Having to go home several times during the start of term, plus suffering from a few illnesses has meant that I have not been able to do all the things I had planned.
Now the rational thing to do would be to focus on what’s important and not beat myself up for not being able to tick every little task off. I literally only just realised that as I wrote the former sentence. The intention of this post was for it to be an apology for my inability to post weekly. However even that defeats the purpose of this blog. This is my escape, my hobby, my little project. It reflects my truth. If sometimes I am too busy to post then my absence demonstrates that. As they say life happens.